How long will it take
by flattsandchicks
Summary: Abby and Carter get their second chance after lots of drama. please r
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own ER or any of the characters…though I wish I did! J 

Also i would like to thank carbylobsterandavrilfan for my one whole review about my poem "How do I Move On". I promise these next chapters will be better. They will actually have some carby action not just Abby's thoughts. And they will be much longer than the first chapter!

Rating: PG-13 to be on the safe side (mild cussing or well maybe more lol)

Spoilers: probably the first half of season 10 except there is no Kem and Carter came back shortly after the letter.

Summary: This is gonna be in Abby's pov and some of Carters also. Carter and Abby are friends and Abby wants a second chance but isn't sure if Carter wants the same.

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I turned over at the loud beeping sound of her alarm clock. "Uggg." I mumbled in a sleepy voice. I got up and found my way to the bathroom and took a hot shower. About thirty minutes later I was standing in front of the hospital ready to face yet another long day as a med student.

"hey" he said.

God I just loved the sound of his voice. "hey John, how are you?" I said trying to make the moment a little less awkward. He smiled. Man I loved that smile. And his eyes were so focused on me, I almost got lost in them.

"I'm fine." he said in his deep voice.

"That's good. Sooo…ummm do you want to have dinner later? I mean I kinda need to talk to you." which was true I really did. I was going to attempt to see where *we* are. But I might have to save that for later.

"Abby…Earth too Abby." he said

"Oh, sorry I just kind of spaced there for a minute."

"So I noticed. Anyways yeah I loved to have dinner."

"Great!" that was it. Somehow we had managed to walk all the way into the lounge and then to the nurses station. I picked up a chart and went on about my day.

I love watching him walk. He is so beautiful. I love him but he doesn't know it. Or maybe he does. I don't' know, I don't know much of anything anymore. The only thing I know for sure is that I love him. Man could this day go any slower. It's probably just the anticipation I have for talking to him.

"Abby…ABBY!" Susan is yelling. "Quite staring at Carter's ass and get yours in trauma 2! We need you!"

"I wasn't staring at his ass I was just thinking and his *ass* just happened to be there." okay so I was staring at his ass but that's beside the point. I was thinking to. Thinking if he loved me or not.

"Abby, you and I both know you were staring at his butt now would you please come on." Susan is saying in this half giggly and half exasperated voice.

"Okay, I'm coming!"

Okay time for lunch and he is right on time as always. I don't know if I can do this right now but I already made a choice to so I am going to do it. 

"You ready?" he asks.

"Yep."

"So what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

Okay here we go. Everything I have been feeling all this time suddenly comes back. The love, the hate, the frustration, and the exhaustion. It all comes flooding back. I hated him for that letter. I was frustrated when he wouldn't tell me what was wrong and when he ran off to Africa. I was exhausted after trying to work things out before Africa. And before all that I loved him for him and I still do. The love is one thing that hasn't changed. The frustration is back to, as I am trying to tell him the way I feel. Its so hard to do it. Maybe this isn't the right place or the right time but my heart is telling me it is. It is as right as day and night, as right as the sun and moon. Its all just there. That's when I decide to tell him everything.

"I wanted to talk to you about us." There it is. It's out. The look on his face tells me he wants to talk about us too. He just looks surprised I guess. Maybe he is feeling the same feelings I am right now. 

"That's good because I wanted to talk about us also." he said in a hushed tone. Almost a whisper but not quite.

"Really?" I sound surprised but I'm not. I could see in his face earlier this morning that he wanted to talk also. Now it's out there and there is no turning back. We can't just stop and pretended this conversation didn't happen. Okay maybe we can but it wouldn't benefit either of us. It would just ruin us completely and I don't think either of us could stand loosing one another. Well I couldn't stand loosing him. I just hope he feels the same way about me.

"Yeah. I mean, I think I know how you feel about me but I don't know if its right. At least not yet. I don't think I am ready yet."

"What do you mean your not ready?" I was getting mad but I'm not showing it. I don't want him to think I am mad. I don't want to make it worse than it already is. 

"I'm not ready for an us. Maybe in few months but not yet." Damit! I wish I could just tell her I loved her. But here is not the time nor the place. And We need a while yet. If we jumped back in right now it just wouldn't work out. I couldn't stand to be without her so for right now being friends with the possibility of something more later is best. But I wish I could tell her I love her.

"Okay. I don't really understand but okay." Somehow though, in his eyes, I can tell this is hurting him as much as it is me right now. I can't bring myself to tell him now, not after that bombshell. His eyes are saying everything that he isn't right now. I don't think he knows this but I see it. I always have. He loves me. His eyes are so deep and meaningful all the time and this time they are saying I love you. I feel a little better knowing he loves me, even if he doesn't tell me.

"look Abby, I have to get back to work. When are you off?" I know she knows. She can see it in my eyes. She is the only one who has been able to look in my eyes and know exactly what i am thinking or feeling at that one moment. She knows I love her. I feel a little more at peace knowing she can read me like this but I can also read her eyes. Hers are saying the same thing as mine. She loves me.

"Umm…I have to work a double so not till morning. Maybe we can get together tomorrow night after I have had some sleep if that's okay with you?" I hope he says yes. We need as much time as we can get together right now if there is ever a chance for us.

"Sure. Is your place okay or would you rather mine?" Her place. I just seem to feel more comfortable there since my place is the mansion. But whatever she decides is fine with me.

"Mine. I am guessing all you have is your mansion right?" I sort of answer that myself in my head and of course I continue. "Yeah my place. I will see you tomorrow night then."

I walk the opposite direction as he heads toward his mansion and I head back to the hospital. This is gonna be long night.

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I hope you enjoyed that chapter. Please review and no flames since this is only my 1st story. I do have a sort of poem that I posted before this but this is 1st real story. 

Thanks for reading. More to come when I get a chance which might not be too soon with school and everything. But I will do my best.


	2. A Matter of Time

Just a quick note, I want to think everyone one who reviewed the first chapter! J 

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Finally I am at home now! Shit I almost forgot I have dinner with John! I am nervous as hell right now, I guess as nervous as hell can be. Ugg what am I saying! I don't even understand myself anymore. I just wish I could fast-forward through all of this and be happily in his arms but that isn't gonna happen. This is real life and things like that take time. I can't just say hey I love him and boom we are together forever. No, its gonna take time. Okay he just knocked. What do I say! Damit Abby you need to calm down, it's not like he is asking you to move or anything. He is jut here to talk.

"Hi, how are you?" God I sound like such a teenager but I guess that's what love does to you sometimes.

"Hi Abby. I'm good. You look like you've had a long day." She is so damn beautiful. Her pouty face and scratchy voice, it's enough to make the worst day of my life seem like the best.

"Yeah I have had a long day. Do you want some coffee?" Do you want coffee! Am I a complete idiot. It's right then I notice how he is staring at me. It's the exact same way he looked at me in the hospital during the lockdown. When he told me we were gonna be okay. I believed it then but now, I am having a harder and harder time believe it. How does he know we're gonna be okay, I mean really. But that look tells me. He knows I know. It's all just a matter of time.

"So…umm…Abby there is something I need to tell you." Okay I know I should tell her how I feel but I just don't think it's time. If I tell her she could just jump in my arms and we would end up the same way as when I went to Africa.

"John please don't tell me your in love with me. I mean I know you do but not yet okay. Not yet." Why did I just say that. That's exactly what I want him to say. I want him to say he loves me. God I need a beer right now. I shouldn't be drinking but right now I just really want to.

"That's not what I was going to say. I am not even sure of what my feelings for you are right now. How can you just jump to conclusions." Don't tell me she is getting a beer. The last thing she needs right now is alcohol! Damn how could she do this to herself! After working so hard to quite drinking she starts again! What the hell is that!

"YOU think I was jumping to a conclusion! If I am so wrong then why don't you just tell me what you were going to say!" Damn why do I always jump to conclusions! I know its what sets him off most more than anything else. I set my beer down knowing I shouldn't be drinking it. God it hurts so much to be fighting with him. But after the fight, that always seems to be the best part. Making up.

"Abby I was just gonna tell you that your mother called me today,!" Why do I have to yell. It seems like forever before she finally answers in a calm voice, one I don't hear often, one that is almost worrisome.

"What did she call for?" I take my beer and poor it down the sink. His face seems to be a little brighter now at the sight of this. His face is also comforting me right now. I know what he is about to tell must not be good.

"She just couldn't get a hold of you the past couple of days since you have been working so much. She wanted to tell you that your brother has been doing well and she wanted to see how you are doing." I wonder if she is really doing as good as she says she always is. Her face calms and the anger leaves. She walks toward me.

"Oh. I'm sorry I jumped to a conclusion and I'm sorry I yelled and…" he is leaning towards me. I want him to kiss me so bad. He is so close I can smell his aftershave and I can feel him breathing on me. Only he doesn't kiss me, not yet anyways. He just pulls me into an warm embrace and holds on. I think this may be better than kissing him, at least right now it is. This is exactly what I needed tonight. I didn't need the beer or anything else, I just needed to be in his arms.

"Hey, it's okay. We're gonna be okay." There it is. That line. That one line seems to mean everything to us. I think this is the beginning of a new start for us. I don't mention the beer. If I did right now it would only set her off again and I know that she saw in my face that I was happy she poured it out."

"Are you sure?" I look up into his big puppy dog brown eyes and he just stares into mine for while. When he finally moves I don't want to let go but he we don't. He just takes my hand and leads me over to the couch and we sit. He against the corner of the couch and me right next to him and he puts his arm around me.

"yeah I'm sure, just like I was last time I said it." I take my hand and wipe a whispy piece of hair away from her face and tuck it behind her ear. I think this is good…actually I know its good.

"John?" Our fingers are intwined together as we sit. 

"Hmm." Yep I love her, I just can't tell her yet. I have to wait for that perfect moment.

"Thanks for being here. This is exactly what I needed." He just stares at me and I know just by looking into his eyes that he is saying anytime. Yes, time I what we need and I think that time has started.

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Okay that's chapter 2! Now review people review! I don't know when I will be able to get out the third chapter but be assured it is coming within in the next week.


	3. Bled on, puked on, spit on

Note: I'm not really sure where I am going with this story at this point but I am gonna try and make sure Carter and Abby end up together in the end. I am open to any suggestion for a future chapter.

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The next day I wake up to the sound of the shower being turned on. Shit! Did I over sleep? What time is it? I look at the clock sitting on the side table next to my bed, it's 6:30 in the morning. Good I didn't over sleep. I get up and make my way to the kitchen. I guess John already made coffee. Man I am tired. Yesterday was such a long day. The fight with John has emotionally drained me and my whole six hours of sleep didn't help much.

"Morning sleeping beauty." She looks exhausted but she looks gorgeous. Ha! She is eyeing me! That's what she does though, when I don't have my shirt on. 

"Morning. What time does your shift start?" He looks so damn good without his shirt on! Great, he just saw me looking at him.

"It starts at 7:30 which means I need to hurry if I don't want to be late."

"Oh. Well umm… I start at 8 but I can do in early with you if you want." I hope he says yes. I mean we still need to talk some more.

"Yeah that would be great. So do you want to have dinner with me tonight. I know this great new Italian restaurant that just opened a few weeks ago. I should be able to get a reservation since my dad knows the owner." Her protective barriers that were up last night seem to be down this morning. Her eyes are saying everything to me today, more so than usual.

"Sure, sounds good." Wonderful something else I have to get dressed up for but I don't mind. Hell I am going with Carter, dressing up shouldn't be to bad.

"I have to go finish getting ready." I hurry out of the room. If I am late Weaver will have my ass.

"John you ready?" I am yelling as I put my shoes on. He sure does take a long time to get ready, especially when he is just gonna get bled on, puked on, or spit on. He comes running to the door hoping on one foot while putting a shoe on his other. "You look ridiculous!" I say giggling. "Why don't you just slow down and put your shoes on. You'll end up being even more late than you already are if you fall and hurt yourself, now sit down please." Sometimes I really wonder about him.

"Okay." I sit put my shoes on and I grab her hand as we make our way out the door.

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Later that day

"Wear something nice, but it doesn't have to be a dress." I can't wait to see what she is wearing for dinner.

"Okay. You'll be there at 8 right?" He looks so adorable standing there in his scrubs, all sweaty, with that stupid little grin on his face.

"No, 8:30 I need time to get cleaned up." Which is true. I had been thrown up on and bled on today but I didn't get spit on. That's something positive out of the whole day.

Damn what am I going to wear! I have nothing. Oh wait that's perfect. I pulled out a pair of pinstripe black pants a beige long sleeve top, and my black two inch heel pumps. I put everything on in a hurry and went to the bathroom to finish my hair. I pulled out and alligator clip and clipped my hair back leaving two small sections of hair spiral curled on the sides of my face. Suddenly I heard him knock. I walked quickly into the living room, grabbed my purse of the side table by the couch and my keys off the coffee table and went to answer the door.

"Wow!" She looks stunning! "You look great." She smiles and starts blushing. It's not often that she does this sort of thing.

"Thank you. I'm ready so…"

"Yeah lets go." I take her arm in mine. "Shall we?" I smile down at her.

"Yes we shall." He looks so handsome in his tux! We walk to the limo that is waiting outside. Of course he has a limo, he always does.

"After you." she gets in.

"Thank you." he gets in after me. Sits down and we head to the restaurant.

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That is chapter 3. I wanted to end this chapter on a good note so I will put the dinner in the next chapter. And the story is not all fuzz from here on out, there will be more angst, a whole lot more angst.


	4. Running

Authors note: Sorry it took so long for me to update but between softball, school, and the play I currently auditioned for there wasn't really anytime. But here is a fix till the next chapter. Drum roll please….

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I try not to but just one couldn't hurt could it. I decide that it can't.

"I'll have white wine please." I tell the waiter. The look on his face is priceless. Damit I know I shouldn't have. I know how he feels when I drink alcohol, he gets pissed. I think he might be okay, he wouldn't blow up in front of a whole restaurant would he?

"Abby…" Before I could even get anything else out she snaps.

"What, it's just one drink. No more, no less, okay?" I snapped. I couldn't just have waited to see what he was going to say I just assumed. I always jump to conclusions.

"That's not even what I was gonna say! You always just assume you know what I am going to say next, when half the time you don't know. Or maybe you do but it just comes out before you can stop it. I wasn't gonna say a damn thing about it Abby, I trust you but apparently you don't think so. Or maybe you don't trust yourself." And now I have gone off. The dream I had of a perfect night to rekindling our relationship has obviously gone down the drain. I could have just stayed calm but no, I had to get pissed, its what I always do. If this is ever going to work I am gonna have to change.

"How dare you say I don't trust myself, or even you!. How could you say that. There is no else in this world that I trust more than you!" Before I know it, I am getting up and walking out. I am running away from yet another problem, I always do and I can't seem to stop. I'm scared and I admit it to myself but I won't to anyone else. I guess I'm afraid to let my walls down, I could to Carter but wouldn't that mean I would have to keep them down for him. Hell I don't know anymore. 

I realize then that I am standing in the pouring rain, well rather running down the street towards the El. I could go back or I could just stand here. Eventually he would find me, he would take me in his arms hug me and tell me everything would be fine and take back to his friggin mansion, though I much prefer my small apartment, and he would set me by the fire, bring me towels, and make me coffee. But I can't let him do that, not now, maybe someday but not now. So I continue walking, knowing exactly what I am leaving, and step onto the train. I sit down in the back corner and I realize I'm cold. I'm starting to wish I would have stayed and waited for him or hell even gone back to him. I want so much for everything between us to be just the way it was at the beginning of all this. Right after the "lockdown." I want to but something is holding me back, I don't know what but I sure as hell wish I did. 

Somehow I have made it back to my apartment, I take off all my wet clothes and there strewn all over the floor, I turn the shower on and step in under the steaming water. It feels good, I feel good knowing I haven't had even one drink, at least not since the last time i was with him. Finally I am warm and dry off and put on some warm pajama pants and tank top. I go to the living room, grab a blanket, and put in a movie. I don't even know what movie it is because before the previews are even over I'm asleep. Hell I don't even know what I'm dreaming about, or well I do. I guess I'm dreaming about what I'm not dreaming about? Okay now I am just confusing myself.

A loud pounding wakes me out of my deep slumber and I groggily get up. It's the door and I know who it is. I knew he would find me, no matter where I am he always finds me, I am almost sure he knows me better than I do. I go to the door and I'm almost afraid to open it, yet I know I have to or I could very well loose him forever but in the end I decide to open it.

"Carter." I look him in the eye with as stern a face as I can muster right now and it's not easy being upset like this but I can tell by the look on his face that he knows I am more upset than I am mad.

"Abby we need to talk. Well I need to talk, you just listen." I look at her straight in the eyes and she is staring me down as well. She is willing to let me talk or at least I think she is. I walk in and sit in the chair next to her couch. She comes around from behind me and looks me in the eyes again.

"Okay so talk." I wait for a while and then he starts talking.

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Ohhhhhhh a cliffhanger!! Anyways more to come hopefully sooner than this last update. And I am sorry this chapter wasn't all that long but I wrote it in about 30 min. and I am now going to bed because I have to get up at 5:30 to go to school. J 


	5. Meant to Be

Authors Note: Again I am really sorry that I haven't been able to update. I am a very busy person and its really hard to update between school, and softball, and rehearsal for a school play. Also I would like all of you to know that I have the rest of this story already written down in one of my notebooks and the first 3 chapters of my sequel to this story. I have been writing as much as possible whenever I can at school, it's just a matter of having time to type it up and post it on the website. And now that you have read that boring note I will let you read the rest of the story.

I know I said there would be no mention of Kem but I thought the way I am working this story I had to include something about her.

Rating: PG-13

Also this chapter will all be in Abby's pov.

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"Abby don't talk just listen. Okay" 

"Okay." I say this in a low tone. Almost inaudible. I'm not really in the mood to do this but I guess I have to, I really don't have a choice. He starts to speak but I'm too scared to look in his eyes, afraid of what they'd say.

"I'm not sure if I'm ready for this, or even if you are. But I guess I have to, for myself, for you, but mostly for us."

I realize I'm not listening to him rambling on and I know I should. I look in his eyes and there is so much going on in his mind that his eyes just look hurt. I think this is the first time I can't tell what's going on his mind by looking in his eyes.

"I don't…It's just…Ya know sometimes how things change…Or no…I mean…You know how you finally realize something and…" I cut him off.

"John just say it."

"Okay." He looks down at the floor searching for words, I think. I wish I could see what is going on in his mind.

"John you alright?" I ask.

"Yeah I just…" He sighed then continued. "Abby I love you."

Everything, at that moment, just disappeared. It was like we were standing in black emptiness. Jkust him and me and nothing. I didn't know what to say or do. It hit me then what his eyes were saying all this time. He wasn't hurt, he was in love. And he didn't love just any woman, he loved me. I didn't say anything. I just stood on my tiptoes, reached up to his face and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around my tine waist and pulled me close.

When we finally pulled apart he looked down at me and asked "So does that mean you love me too?"

"yeah it does." I smiled. It felt like a ton of bricks had just been lifted off my shoulders. I giggled.

"What." he asked grinning back at me.

"It's nothing." I stare into his eyes almost reading him like a book, I then saw the love, the passion, and the desire that he had to of been feeling this whole time.

"No it isn't. Now what are you laughing at?" He stares right back into my eyes.

"I don't know…I just…It feels like…I just feel better now. Ya know, after finally admitting how I fell about you." Finally, I think we can move on now. Get past it all, since there are no feelings getting in the way. Nothing from the past can get in our way. Not Maggie, not my brother, not Richard, not my abortion, not even Kem or the baby. Well maybe the baby but that's it. Lord knows John loved that baby more than anything, problem was he didn't love Kem, he loved me. He loves me and I love him. I guess we were just meant to be.

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Okay now review people review! I decided to change the way I was writing the story because I really didn't know how to write Carter's part anymore. It took me so long to do It in the past and this time I really didn't have time, plus I wanted to kind of go in a different direction. Also I realize this chapter was short but I couldn't really find a way to put in anymore and the next chapter really didn't fit in with the timeline but I promise the next chapter is longer.

There will be one more chapter to this story and then the sequel so please stay tuned. And please, please, please be patient because I know it takes weeks, sometimes even months to update but I promise it will be worth it.


	6. That Night

Okay, this is the last chapter of this story. I hope you don't get confused because I kind of go back in time on this chapter. I am not sure how to use italics so I am just going to put the flashback part in between starts like this ***.

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"Oh my gosh he is so cute!" Susan's baby. He's just adorable. John's holding my hand and peering over my shoulder at Marcus. Susan named him after Mark. I don't blame her. I think his death was hardest on Elizabeth and her. Then I guess there's Ella and Rachel. I look at John and he smiles down at me. Susan breaks in right then.

"When you two gonna get your own?" She is asking this with a mischievous grin on her face. John speaks before I get a chance to say anything.

"Susan we aren't even married yet!" I can't help but laugh. We had gotten engaged that night. The night he told me he loved me, and it's not like we haven't been having sex, but I'm on birth control and we use protection so we're careful, very careful. I think it's been 2 month's since that night.

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"I love you John." We kiss. After we pull apart he speaks.

"I'll be right back." he says as he walks out of my small apartment. I wait for a minute as I wonder what the hell he could be doing. I run outside my door and he isn't anywhere in site. So I run down the stairs and outside into the pouring rain once again.

"What the hell are you doing?" I'm yelling at him, but I don't think he can hear me above the rain.

"How can you just walk out after I tell you that I love you and that you love me?" I start walking down the street, my feet hitting the wet pavement, splashing water everywhere. What the hell is wrong with me. I'm running away again, just like always. I can here his feet running after me. I let him catch up and when he finally does he grabs my arms and twirls me around so that I am facing him.

"I just had to get something." he says out of breath. And I'm yelling at him again.

"What could possibly be more important than me?" I'm crying now but he can't tell because the rain is pouring down my face just as fast as the tears. I soon see that he can tell, though, and he pulls me in close to him, then pulls something out of his pocket. His voice calms.

"I had to get this." He shows me the box and opens it. I cry even harder now because I finally realize why he went out to the car.

"Abby I had to get it. I wanted to ask you but I left it in the car. I'm sorry, I didn't meant to upset you. What's wrong?" Why are you still crying?" He looks confused and I know he is so I reach up and put my hands on the back of his neck and kiss him. When I finally pulled away I started rambling.

"I'm sorry, I just though you were leaving. I overreacted just like always. If I had know what you were doing I…" He put his finger over my mouth, pulled the ring out of the box and slid it onto my finger.

"Shh. I know." I could barely hear his whisper over the rain. He grabbed my hand and led me back to my apartment. As soon as he opens the door his hand and lips are everywhere, all over my body and I don't deny him. He picks me up and takes me to my room where he lays me on my bed where I let him take me.

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I smile. That night was one of the worst and best night of my life.

"what are you smiling at?" John asks me.

"Oh, I was just thinking about that night. You know when…" I don't even have to say the rest of the sentence because I can see in his face that he knows exactly what I am talking about.

"Oh believe me, I know." He laughs and pulls me in and kisses me. We slowly start to make out, right in front of Susan, knowing that it will totally disgust her.

"Oh get a room!" Yup there it is. 

"Shutup Susan.." I say as I go back to kissing john, mostly to bug Susan though.

"Come on baby lets go." I laugh at the husky deep voice he says this in.

"Ugg! You guys are disgusting!." Susan sticks her tongue out at me which leaves me to wonder how she can be in such a good mood after just having a baby. I stick my tongue back out at her as John grabs my hand and starts pulling me out of the room.

"Congratulations!" I yell from the hall. Just then, as if on cue to ruin our moment, John's pager goes off.

"I have to go." He gives me a quick kiss. "Ill see you later." He runs off down the hall and I go the opposite way to begin walking home. As I walk I can't help but to smile as I think of that night again.


End file.
